Next Step…

Saw the Neurosurgeon. He said that my lump hasn’t grown. That’s a relief. But he can’t figure out what’s going on. So he is sending me to an Endocrinologist.  Hopefully with some more in-depth tests he will be able to help me. Now I just wait for that appointment to happen. If he decides that the lump is causing all my issues, then we will remove it. IF not, then I guess I’ll be taking some meds to help me get back to normal, and I will do MRI’s yearly to keep an eye on the lump.

In the meantime… I’m keeping busy. Learning how to use my sewing machine and all the different feet. Who knew I would enjoy sewing! LOL

Tests, tests and tests!

Let’s start from the beginning…

The past 2 years or so have been a strain to say the least. It first started when I was getting horrible tummy pains and it took about 10 months and a lot of tests, to figure out that I have IBS ( irritable bowel syndrome). Just as that was all getting figured out, a new problem started.

In January 2013 I noticed that my breasts were leaking. A very odd thing to happen at my age. It was only one tiny drop of white pus. I ignored it. Then it happened again a week later. I thought I should go see my Doctor, but I put it off. Two weeks later, again, yellow pus. I made an appointment.

My Doctor did a breast exam to see if there was anything noticeable. I told him I was having pain under my left arm and left breast. That it felt like I had aches from a possible infection. He agreed and gave me antibiotics. That seemed to help get rid of the pain. He thought that I might be having problems with my Pituitary Gland since it controls the hormones in the entire body. It’s what makes a woman lactate. He made arrangements for me to get a mammogram and a CT scan. I still was having leakage about every 2 weeks.

I had the mammogram and a week later. I also had an ultra sound a month after that. Both of those were good and clear. Awesome! No breast cancer. All my blood tests were normal too. Two days later I had the CT scan. The results are in.

The CT scan showed that I have swelling on my pituitary stalk, not the gland, that part is normal. There is a small bulbous contour of 5.5 mm on my right pituitary lobe. The next step is to have an MRI so the Doctor can figure out what is happening. He also sent me to an eye specialist since this has caused lots of discomfort in my eyes. I have blurry eyes and they are always tired and sore. My eye exams showed that there is no damage being done to the optical nerve.

6 months go by and I have my MRI. Another month and I have the results. The lump is still there. Next step is to see a Neurosurgeon. I am seeing him tomorrow.

So that’s what’s going on in my world. To be continued…..

Breathing, living..

Every day I wake up and wonder what my day will be. Some days I just want to sleep and not deal with it. Every day, as I sit on the edge of my bed, my first thought is ” Good morning Baby George. (my Tumour, yes he has a name).” He is still with me. I wish he wasn’t, but he is there and isn’t going anywhere soon.

December 6th is the day I go for my MRI to find out what will happen next. Until then I have to wait. Wait, wait and wait. There is truly nothing worse than having to wait to find out what will happen. The thoughts that go through my head daily are capable of driving me insane. Did George grow? Will I have surgery? Kemo? Or will it be so small I will just need some meds for a few months? Who knows!? It’s exhausting to think about.

So, what does one do when you know that there is a possibility of a huge life change on the way? …… you laugh. Laugh as much as you can. Laugh when where you get the chance. When you know it’s funny, just let it out, a big gut busting giggle. Why laugh? Cause life is funny! You never know what life will throw at you. So laugh at it! Go ahead!  I know that if I don’t laugh, I’ll go down the drain of depression.

Find things to do that you have always wanted to, but were afraid that people would think you are crazy. Just do it. It doesn’t matter what others think! I have realized that it really doesn’t matter what people think of me. I don’t really care if you think I am nits or if you don’ t like me. As long as I am laughing and there is a smile on my face, THAT is what matters to me.

So, there you have it. That is what I have been thinking. Do I care what you think? Not really! LOL Why? Well my life is worth more that wasting it on small shit like thinking about what you think of me. hahahaha!

Amazing how my way of thinking has changed. What’s important? ME.

If this post offends you, I’m sorry. This is how I  feel right at this moment. Deal with it. :P

Making Changes…Again

You can see by my blog that I am changing my theme again. I get bored looking at the same theme all the time. So it was time to change it up again!

What other changes? Well, Gregg and I are doing Weight Watchers at home and it’s working for him, but it seems that it’s not doing much for me. I’m just sitting at the same weight. I’m going to keep feeding Gregg the same, but I am changing my menu a bit. No more wheat, a bit less fruit, more meat and veggie. Sort of lowcarb/paleo eating. I know I can’t eat wheat product, but I love bread. I have bought a wheat free baking mix and will see how that works for me. Going to spend some time trying out new recipes this week.

What else has changed? Hmmm…. Not much I guess. I finally got my MRI date for Dec.6th. Yeah it’s a long wait. I see my Doctor this week and will ask him if he thinks that’s too long. If so, then he needs to push me through some how. Oh wait, have I explained why I need the MRI? I don’t think I have. Well I’ll make it a short story. Basically I got worried about my breasts leaking at the beginning of the year, asked the Doctor about it and he sent me to have a mammogram done, did that. Then they wanted  to an ultrasound, did that. Both were clear and clean, come back in a year they said. I then had a CT scan of my head and it showed a tiny lump(tumour) on my Pituitary gland and some swelling. Doctor thinks that this is why I was having the leakage and the reason why my eyesight is getting worse. The swelling is pushing on my optical nerve. I am seeing an eye specialist in 2 weeks. Doctor then told me he needs an MRI to decide what the next step is. So, now I just wait.

When I heard the word tumour, I really didn’t listen. I let the word in and out. The first thing a person thinks of is cancer. The good thing is that it’s not cancer. All my blood tests have come back negative for cancer. That does help relax me a bit. Tho, I guess all these months have just been too much on me. After the Doctor told me the result of my CT scan, he asked me if I was depressed. I wanted to say no, but since my Mom was in the room with me, she said it first. She didn’t know. But the Doctor could see it. He asked some questions and had me fill out some forms that asked a lot more questions. Then he prescribed some antidepressants. I don’t like to admit that I am depressed, but I knew I was and had been for a while. I knew it already back at Christmas time. I thought I could handle it on my own.  I’ve been taking them for a month now and I am feeling a bit better. Not so tired, sad and hopeless. I don’t know how long it will take for me to get back to being happy. I sure want to be there again.

I realize that I have been sick for so many years that trying to remember the last pain free day is almost impossible. When I think about it, being in Playa del Carmen comes to mind. When we were there in 2007 for 3 week, by the second week I had stopped taking all my meds and pain killers. I was pain free! I felt so good.  When we got home, it didn’t take long, a few days and  I was taking pills again to deal with everything. Since then it just seems that my health has been going down hill.

I have hope that I will get better. I just need some help getting there. If that means I need to take antidepressants, then so be it. I just want to be normal again. To live without pain is asking too much, I know, but as least a bit less pain and sickness would be great.

Well, this post turned out a bit different from what I had planned, LOL.