Friday once again. *sigh* It seems that the week has gone by too fast. I didn’t get anything done. Well except for selling my bike. Which I have to say feels pretty good now. I’m glad its gone. I can finally move on and toss that old life away. I am no more a biker chick. Only thing that I still have to remind me(actually remind others) of my past life is my tattoos. I look at them as stepping stones thru that life. I can remember where I was, what I was doing and why I was getting that tattoo. I used to regret doing it but lately I have been looking at them differently. They are part of me. They are me, beautiful and colorful. I will not be ashamed of them anymore. I hid them from my family for the first 7 years that I had them, and let me tell you it wasn’t easy! I think my niece Cynthia was the first to see them. She had walked in on me once when I was trying on some clothes at her mother‘s house. I recall saying something like “I’ll kill you if you tell anyone” LOL. In any case, the truth finally did come out a while later.
I know my mom was upset but she played it pretty cool. Dad was a whole different story. I won’t repeat the things he had to say. Now they are fine with them,well they “accept”them. I still cover them when I am around family but I do it out of respect for my parents only. My brothers and sisters will just have to deal with it 😛 Not being mean here, but the day mom and dad are both gone I will not be hiding any part of me every again. I will be who I am. I can’t be me completely the way I would like to be since my family is so different that what I am.
I guess I say that because I grew up differently than they did. Our childhoods were spent together but when I hit my teens I changed everything. I turned the world upside down. I know I put my parents thru hell (this is a word I had a hard time typing). My parents are very devoted to their religious beliefs and they live by it every day. I’m very happy that it makes them happy. As a kid I was raised the same way. We had to go to church and sunday school and even did german school on saturday mornings at the church. I started to dislike it all when I turned 11 or so. My parents tried to raise all of us in the same way as best they knew how. I think they just didn’t expect to have a “hellraiser” (another hard word) for a daughter.
I’m not really sure what it was that changed me. I just know that something snapped inside of me and I didn’t want to listen anymore. I didn’t want to be the “good girl”. I wanted to be “cool” and “popular”. I’m sure that peer pressure at school had something to do with it. Anyways, I turned out ok. I had my years of “crazy”. It wasn’t how I thought my life would turn out. I am glad that I found a better life with Gregg and that I get along with my family so much more now. We had some rough years between us all.
When I think back at all the years I spent running from who I was I just shake my head and laugh. I can’t go back and change it all, but like the saying goes “if only I knew then what I know now”…lol. I still wouldn’t change a thing. Except take the pain away from my parents. Everything else has been a ride of a lifetime that has made me who I am. I can stand up straight and show my tattoos and be proud of who I am. I am me. Who is me? Well if you really want to know….