My shopping is done. If I forgot anything, its just too bad. I dont want to be in the Malls this weekend. It will be nuts!  Gregg can get the food and turkey for us. I plan on doing nothing more. Well, maybe buy a bottle of Bailey’s. I can hardly wait for it to all be over. Christmas isnt like it used to be.  Its always magical for the young ones, but we get older and its just a very busy time. We decorate the house and the tree, then do the big dinner. Do all the shopping and wrap all the gifts. Clean the house and make sure everything is in order. Check the list we’ve made to make sure we didnt forget anything. At the last minute we have to run out for a gift or a food item. After its all done we have to clean it all up. We do this every christmas.

Why? Why make it so busy every year? Well I have made up my mine that I’m not doing it anymore. Oh I’ll do the tree thing, but otherwise I wont waste my time and stress out about what to but everyone. I’m just going to give gift cards. Yes its impersonal, but do people really care? This way they can go buy what they want. Be it a sweater or shoes or some dishes or even a carton of smokes. Enjoy! Christmas isnt about the gifts any way.

Christmas is supposed to be about family, getting together and making memories. Even that isnt important anymore. Every year my family gets together for christmas dinner. This year we are at my brother’s house. We are having lasagna instead of turkey. That’s fine, we arent there for the food, and  who made the rule that it has to be a turkey? Its just one less turkey that died for a dinner. We will play the gift giving game again. Everybody will be happy and laughing. Enjoying all the fun with their kids and grandkids. I get to sit there and pretend to have fun and act like it doesnt bother me that my boys arent there. Some people dont realize how lucky they really are.

Maybe I’m being to harsh? Maybe its cause I’m tired of the same thing every year. Maybe I would like a real family christmas of my own. See now I have to say sorry. I’m sure that some of my family will read this and think “we have christmas together” and yes we do but its different for me. You all have your families over and you get to exchange gifts and even have a nice dinner. I dont. If I’m lucky I might see Matthew for an hour just so he can come get his gifts. Colby, well who knows when he will be here again. His gifts are already in my closet put away so that I dont have to be reminded of him. Sounds bad but its the only way I can get through this next week. He will get them in the new year some time. Gregg’s family gets together in Calgary with his grandmother. We would go but I want to stay home just by the slightest chance that Colby might be here. We might see his sister if she decides to hop a plane from Edmonton, but I doubt it. Glen will be here on Christmas day for a bit. Maybe for dinner, maybe not. He finds things to do.

I’m fortunate to have Gregg. He tries to make christmas day fun for us. I’m basically his whole family at the holiday season. I feel bad that I get depressed on the holidays. Every year I try to have a positive attitude, but every year I feel let down. I try not to get my hopes up wishing for the “family” christmas to happen. I guess I am being selfish. I shouldnt complain. Hopefully next year will be different. I hope that we can go away. Maybe to Calgary? I would prefer Mexico.

I know this post is a downer. I guess I’m just feeling sorry for myself. I just dont think its fair that I have to suffer every year. Why cant it be somebody else? I guess I’m still upset bout Colby not being here. I tried so hard this year not to get excited about him coming for christmas, but I did any way. Oh I hate it! I hate it so much! I wanted to take him into Vancouver  so he could see the city at this time of year. He was excited about it. We even talked about doing the christmas train in Stanley Park….even tho he is too big for it.

Now I am trying to be cheery, but its not easy. I guess I should be thankful that I can at least get a phone call on Christmas day. Even that is sometimes too much to ask for.

One comment on “Done!

  1. Grandmothergoose

    Your time will come! I’m sure of it so don’t give up!
    And when it does it will be extra special for you because you have waited so long.
    Hang in there!

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