After yesterday’s post I feel that I should say I’m sorry to all the people that read my blog. I should of kept my personal feelings to myself. I know I was complaining and whining. I guess I just felt that I need to talk about it. I admit that I feel silly having said all those things when there are people out there that are worse off than I am. I should be happy that I even have a family and that I can celebrate christmas with them. I was being selfish and a bit jealous.
I guess this year I had really wanted to have my kids here. I was really hoping for a normal christmas. I dont think I am asking too much. It just seems that every year its the same thing. Bob does everything in his power to keep Colby from me. He used to keep matthew too but now Matt lives down the street and he can decide where he wants to be at christmas. You would think that Colby could decide on his own too. No, its not that simple. He lives with Bob and Bob rules him. I have no say in anything. To Bob I am the evil Bitch that walked out on him and so I must be punished at every opportunity possible. I left him in 1998 and he still cant let it go. Its a sad thing to see. I actually feel pity for him…at least I think that is what I am feeling. I just know it burns deep in my gut when I think of him. Indigestions perhaps?
Anyways, today Colby called to say that he “might” be coming down tomorrow if the roads are clear. I didn’t really know what to say to him. I want him here but there is a part of me that says “stop playing games with me”. I love him and its not his fault in any way. He cant help it that Bob is a mess. Its his dad, what can I do? I guess the only thing I can do it wait and see if he shows up. If he does that is great! If not, that is fine too. At this point it really doesnt matter anymore. I really dont feel anything either way. I kinda feel numb about it. I mean, really, how many times can I get my hopes up and be let down over and over? My heart just cant do it this year.
Oh look at this! I am complaining and whining again. DAMN IT! I didnt want to do that. I am looking forward to Gregg cooking the turkey and all the nibblies that go with the day. I plan on having a few drinks and doing nothing. Maybe I’ll just drink and eat till I look as stuffed as the turkey. Oh yeah, I messed up my back a few days ago so I’m in a lot of pain and Gregg has made it clear to me that I will be doing nothing over the holidays…oh joy! I get to sit and drink and eat! But when its all over and done guess who gets to clean it all up?? you guessed it! ME!
HO HO HO! Merry Christmas! heres the mop and bucket! LOL!