Self-Medicated

Its a new week and a new beginning in my life. I am without a father, but I am now done with all the crying. I am going to miss dad very much, but I also know that he would want me to move on and enjoy what time I may have left here on earth. So that is what I plan to do. Sure I will have my weak moments where I will feel the need to cry cause I cant talk to him. We all have days like that.

I hope to get back in to my regular blogging again in the next couple weeks. I have book reviews and restaurants to review and other stuff to post. So just hang on and I’ll get working on stuff.

Yesterday was Dad’s funeral. It was sad but beautiful.

I’m going to share with you now what I had to say to my dad at the service.

DAD

There are many memories that I want to share. Its very hard to just pick one. So I wont, instead here are  my flash memories as I sit here and write this.

DAD- When I picture him in mind, I dont see the man he was in his last days. I see a strong man standing tall and proud. A stubborn man, a man full of pride.

Growing up- Dad made sure that the family always had what was needed. He didnt spend money on useless things. He spoiled mom when he could, even if it was something that only cost a dollar or a flower from our garden.

Whistling- He was always whistling. All you had to do to find him was to stop and listen, then follow the sound of his whistling. You would usually end up in the garage or the shed where he would be tinkering around on some unknown project.

I remember dad teaching me how to ride my bicycle, but years later when I came home with my harley, he only had 2 words to say “sell it”. Eventually I did.

Dad and I had some tough years. We fought a lot about things that really dont matter anymore. I made many mistakes, but he was always forgiving.

At the age of 30 I moved back home. I am so thankful that in those 2 years I was able to get to know my dad once again. I learned who the man really was.

When I brought Gregg home, dad welcomed him to the family. I think dad saw something in him even before I did. On our wedding day, dad never stopped smiling. It was the first time in many years that I felt how happy he was for me.

As long as I can remember, dad has always worried about me. Well he doesent have to anymore. I will miss you dad.

Well we did the viewing this evening. It went pretty well. Quite a few people showed up. I walked into the room and I guess I didnt think the room was so small. Dad was right there. It kind of surprised me. He looked so handsome in his suit. Tomorrow there will be another viewing just before the service. I dont knowif I can do it again.

Anyways, I’m off to bed now. I need some sleep. I’ll blog again when this is all done.

Tomorrow is the funeral. Its not going to be the happiest day, but at the same time not the saddest. We will all shed tears of sorrow and wish for the day to end. I know that it will be a very trying day for mom. She will have her childern by her side all through out the day. We will make sure that she is never alone and if she starts to cry we will be there to help her move on with this day.

I have been listening to the music and watching Gregg work on the video of dad for tomorrow and its so hard not to cry. I find that the meer thought of the word “Dad” brings tears to my eyes. I have written what I want to say at the service. I’m not really sure if I will be able to read it. Most likely Gregg will have to do it for me. I will post it on friday.

I thought about what to do about my hair. Should I get it cut, should I put it up or leave it down. I guess in the end it doesnt really matter. I thought about what color nail polish I should wear. Dad always had something to say when I wore a crazy color…lol…should I wear a crazy color tomorrow? He didnt like the purple that looked like I had grapes on my fingers.

I just feel a bit lost and not really sure which way to turn. I’m having a hard time making up my mind on the smallest tasks.