this post may be a bit jumbled as my thoughts are all over the place this evening.
That is the time my dad, Peter Nickel, left us today 5:07pm June 22 2008. We all gathered at the Mission Hospice to be there for mom and just to be a family. Mom is so strong. She is an amazing woman. For those of you that dont know her, she was always at dad’s side and it may of looked like she did what he said, but in truth, she was the boss most of the itme. Like the saying goes ” behind each man stands a good woman” Well something like that. Well My Mom is that good woman. She made my dad be the best he could be. Now she may stand alone, but dad will be with her in her heart. He is with us in all our hearts.
When they came to take him away from the hospice we all watched them take him. It was hard to let go. I cried as did mom and others. I did go see him in his room before hand. He looked so peaceful. His skin was so smooth and wrinkle free. No more pain in his eyes. No more tears. Just rest.
The other day I had told Gregg that Leaving Bob was the best thing I ever did in my life. Yes it was hard, I lost my boys and everything that I had. But leaving him had given me the chance to get to know my dad in a way that I never knew him. In those 2 years that I lived with mom and dad off and on, I got to know my dad again. I had lost that happy father daughter relationship that we had when I was little. Now I got to know the father that my brothers and sister already knew. Its a gift that I will remember always.
He was a stubborn man. We argured and butted heads a lot when I was growing up in my teen years. He didnt like my choices. He always had something to say. He didnt appove of any of my boyfriends. He tried to get along with them. Kieth and Bob since they were the boys fathers. In the end tho, it was Gregg he took in as family. He knew that from the begining that Gregg was the one that would fit with us all. At our wedding he smiled the whole day.
He always say, even up till a couple weeks ago that I was so lucky to have Gregg, that he is a good man. It felt so good to know that Dad apporved of Gregg. He always worried that I wasnt taken care of. On friday when I saw him I told him not to worry. Gregg is taking care of me now and that he will always make sure I was save and happy. Dad had tears of happiness. He wasnt able to say much, but I could tell he was happy. I hugged him and for the first time in many years I really did feel all the love that dad had for me. I told him how much I loved him. It was the first time in 20 years that I had said it to him. I could feel it, we both could feel the pain leave and I was once again dad’s little girl.
So, to finsh this post, which I need to do I have a poem I was to share with you all. Its just something I found online.
Dad…so many images come to mind
whenever I speak your name;
It seems without you in my life
things will never been the same.
What happened to those lazy days
when I was just a child;
When my life was consumed in you
in your love, and in your smile.
What happened to all those times
when I always looked to you;
No matter what happened in my life
you could make my gray skies blue.
Dad, some days I hear your voice
and turn to see your face;
Yet in my turning…it seems
the sound has been erased.
Dad, who will I turn to for answers
when life does not make sense;
Who will be there to hold me close
when the pieces just don’t fit.
Oh, Dad, if I could turn back time
and once more hear your voice;
I’d tell you that out of all the dads
you would still be my choice.
Please always know I love you
and no one can take your place;
Years may come and go
but your memory will never be erased.
Today, Jesus, as You are listening
in your home above;
Would you go and find my dad
and give him all my love.
this was set up in Dad’s honor at the Hospice.
“Dad, I looked at the sun once you were gone. I felt you warm my face with your love”