Not sure what it was, but a couple nights ago I was laying in bed watching TV and maybe it was something I saw, but I got flashes of memories of Dad. It’s hard to think about him without getting tears in my eyes. It’s happening now as I type. Yesterday I missed Mom. I felt a real need to talk to her. I didn’t call her since she is in California right now. Then today I can’t stop thinking about Colby and Matthew. How they are grown up and adults now and I missed so much of it.

I guess I’m just a bit emotional this week. I’ve been in so much body pain for the last few weeks. I finally am having some relief today. Maybe that’s why I am emotional? Most days I try to cover my pain. I take painkillers and numb it, and with that comes the numbing of the brain. I don’t have to think or remember. I just do what is needed of me. Some times I feel like a zombie. Living in a haze of nothingness.

I’ve been off my painkillers since Tuesday evening.

Now my brain is awake and working again. I don’t like it. I hate to remember any of my past. There so many bad nightmares that I hate to relive. My head hurts from all the thoughts that are in there. I wish there was a switch to turn it off or a door to close and lock, never to be opened again. I know that can’t happen. What is there, is part of me. It’s what makes me who I am.

I will get past the day and tomorrow will be a new day. Maybe the painful memories will lessen soon. Most likely I will be back on my painkillers and I won’t have to think . Not that I want to take them, I have to. And so the day moves on….

3 comments on “Some Days Are Better Than Others


    Find something to do that you enjoy doing!
    Read a book! Cook something yummy!
    Do a craft! Call ME!
    Whatever works!

  2. purpledragonfly Post author

    I’m working on crocheting a new blankets to cover the futon on the deck. So I am trying to keep busy. 🙂

  3. Lucy

    Unfortunately, we cannot change the past but we can focus on the future. Whatever happened then, is done and you need to move on. Your life has been and will be 100% better and I am pretty sure you are a much happier person today. I do feel your pain regarding dad being gone, I’ve been there and still am there. It will heal, as time passes, but it’ll never be forgotten.
    At least you can say, mom is on vacation and will be returning soon! 🙂
    Take care Karin.

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