Recently I had an old friend try to add me on facebook. I didnt accept and instead wrote a message back. Telling them that it was nice to see that they are well and good, but that adding them would not be a good idea. I didnt really explain why. I did offer my email if they wanted to get in touch. I assume that wasnt what the person wanted, since I never heard from them. At least I made the effort.
This past week as I was scanning some old photos, I saw one of an old friend’s daughter. I smiled to myself and wondered how she is doing. She must be about 28 years old now. She was beautiful then and I bet she is beautiful now. She was the daughter I never had. She was family, just as her mom was family to me. I set the photo aside and continued with my day.
Both of these instances have been on my mind for over a week now. I go do other things, watch tv, clean the house, take Duncan out, but in the back of my mind I keep feeling this unsettled-ness. Like there is something I need to do, need to fix. Is it because of these two people? I”m not sure.
I have thought about this and I have tried to resolve my issues, but I cant come to a conclusion. Do I need closure from these people? Possibly. Or does it go deeper than just them?
I believe that people in my past should stay in my past. I admit that there are a few people that I would love to see again.I have lost some friends through out my life that I miss dearly. To bring them back into my new world could just end up ruining what I have now. The temptation to find people is always there for me. I want to talk to those that were so important to me.
I did reply to the facebook request and there is no need for me to go any farther, the next step is up to them. As for the little girl in that picture, I found her on facebook. I didnt ask to be her friend. I did send her a message. Just letting her know that I have a few photos from her childhood that I would be happy to send to her. She hasnt responded. I feel that she might never respond. I am ok with that.
So, what do I do with the moments in my life that haunt me? Some are sad, so sad that I get choked up and teary eyed with just one thought. Some make me so angry, but those I can handle. It’s the longing to be with certain friends that I will never see again. The ones that made such a difference in my life. The ones that were there through the tough times. The one that held out that hand that pulled you up and told you that it would be ok.
Do I find them and tell them I miss them?I dont know. Do I want to? Yes. Will I? Probably not.