Hello my peoples!
You are on this page to find out more about me. Yes me. Well let me tell you all about me. Who is me? Good question! I just found out about me a few years ago. I know that sounds silly, but its true. Let me explain….
As a child up until the age of 10 I was basically a normal kid. I did all the normal kid things. As a family unit we did the summer camping trips, the family BBQ’s and spent holidays together. See, normal stuff. In the 11th year of life something changed. Besides the fact that I turned into a “woman” that fall. Yes “Aunt Flo” came for a visit and never left. She was always a thorn in my… well you know what I mean.
As I was saying… things changed. I think it was boys. Oh yes! I liked them….LOTS! My teen years were tough. I won’t go into all the gory details, but I’ll say this…I wish I could forget those years. So, at 17 I had a baby boy and got married. That lasted 2 years. I met “B” and at 21 I had another boy and that relationship lasted 11 years. Both of these were abusive relationships. Weird thing was, I thought that this was normal. I thought that couples were supposed to fight. That if you didn’t fight then you didn’t care about each other. I know call me crazy!
After I left “B”, I traveled back and forth from South Carolina over a span of 2 years. I had met a guy online(M) and we tried to make it work with me moving there, but my son wanted me home. I ended the relationship and moved back home to be close to the kids. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, “B” got the kids, the house and everything that went with it. I lost cause I walked out. Now don’t go thinking I’m a bad mom. I’m a good mom. I left so that my boys would have a mom. I was tired of being “B”s punching bag. The only reason the kids stayed with him was that they wanted to live in that house. Plus I had no money, no job, no nothing, and I knew “B” would never hurt them.
So here I was living with my folks at the age of 32. I found my first apartment, signed up for welfare and took a “lifestyles” course. I needed to know how to take care of myself. I had always had a man to pay my way. Now I had to do it. I met Gregg at this time. We became great friends. He even moved in and was my roomie.
Well, 4 months into the course and my world changed. It was 2000 new years eve weekend. That friday I went to see a chiropractor. I left there feeling sick. I was sick all weekend. To make a long story short, my neck adjustment had ruined my life. After seeing many doctors and doing many tests I was told to “live with it”. I have “vestibulopathy”. Huh? Yeah thats what I said too.
Its means my inner ear was damaged when the chiropractor twisted my neck. It is permanent. Ok then! I can handle this. No problem! Yeah that is was I tell myself every day. For those of you that don’t know what my days are like, let me try to explain them to you.
I am dizzy. Always dizzy. Its gotten better over the years. Or maybe I have gotten used to it. Lets see… think about a roller-coaster, the up and down motions and how that feels…I got that! Think of when your coming in for a plane landing. That wonderful feeling in your head and tummy…I got that too! Now put it all together and feel that every day for the rest of your life…I’ll give you a minute…..feels good right?…NOT!
Anyways, when this happened everything in my life changed. In 2002 Gregg and I got married. He has taken care of me all this time. Even after he knew that I was going to be sick he was still willing to be with me. He is a great man. I feel very lucky to have him in my life. In the years that I have known Gregg we have built a good life. It wasn’t easy at first.
All in all, things are going good. Yes I have my bad days, but doesn’t everybody? I still wish that certain things hadn’t happened, but I know that I can’t change them. If my neck injury hadn’t happened I might not have everything I do have now.
I still have nightmares about my past. I still cry when I hear certain songs. Yes I miss some of the people that were in my life that have moved on or have died. I have regret over some things I’ve done. I have made many sacrifices through out my life. The biggest ones were for my boys.
To go back to the beginning, I said I just found me a few years ago…Well I did. I have found out that I am many things. I know that I can survive. I am a strong woman. I know that love hurts, but that love is also a fantastic feeling. I have also learned to slow down and enjoy what life has to offer me. Now I could go on and keep telling you all sorts of stuff that I have found out about me, but it would take too long.
Lets just say that I am happy with the “me” that I have become. I used to be that “someone” your mother always told you to stay away from, but now you can take me home and I’ll make “you” look good.
“know what I mean, jellybean?”