It’s Snowing!

We just got back from Langley. WOW! We went for dinner and was snowing but not sticking to anything then we went to Colossal to see the new James Bond flick. 3 hours later we come out of the theater and there is snow everywhere! The drive back to Abby was slow. Never went over 80km. It was a bit hair raising I must say! Matthew was behinds with Colby. He dropped him off and kept going to Chilliwack. I hope he doesn’t get snowed in tomorrow. Well, I am off to bed. By the way the movie was good and that new James Bond is a HOTTIE! yum!

Colby made it

I’m sitting here drinking my morning coffee. As I am typing Colby (my wacky son) is saying every single word I type. Its very annoying! (LOL) We are still working on the DVD for tomorrow’s party. We found a new program that is finally working. So it will get done!
Matthew will be here in a bit and we will be putting up the christmas tree. I’ll take some pics and post them later. Anyways, off I go!

Something For Matthew

Through my life music has always played a big part. When I hear a song that I recognize I almost always can link it to a memory. A few years ago I came across a song that I had never heard. But as soon as I heard it I could only think of one thing, and that was Matthew. The lyrics reminded me so much of him that I cried. I still cry when I hear it. I can’t seem to help it. Here are the words to the song.

Mars – Lori McKenna
Well there’s a hole wearin’ through this couch of mine
And all of the cushions are falling out
One little piece at a time
You might see yourself in me
But I don’t see nobody I know
This isn’t the way I figured it would be when I figured it
A long time ago . . . a long time ago

Well there’s a rule me and my little boy have
You’ve got to say I love you before you close your eyes
And he can dream himself to sleep and I can play or cry
One thing I have taught him well is to never wonder why
Why, wonder why

And I see Mars reflecting in my little boy’s brown eyes
And he says Mama I’m gonna get there someday
Mama I’m gonna get there someday
And I say fly

Well you can hold the whole entire world in your hands
Or you can borrow all of your lessons from me
Well life is not a question, son
I tell him life is just a dream
It’s not as bad as it looks right now
Because nothing’s as bad as it seems
Not as it seems

I see Mars reflecting in my little boy’s brown eyes
And he says Mama I’m gonna get there someday
Mama I’m gonna get there someday
I see Mars reflecting in my little boy’s brown eyes
And he says Mama I’m gonna get there someday
Mama I’m gonna get there someday
And I say fly

Well there’s a hole wearin’ through this heart of mine
And all of the filling is falling out
One little piece at a time
But I see Mars reflecting in my little boy’s brown eyes
And he says Mama I’m gonna get there someday
Mama I’m gonna get there someday
And I say fly . . . I know you can fly . . .

I often tell Matthew that life will get better. One thing that we always say to each other when we say good-bye is “love you”. And I do :^)
I know Matthew will get there.

Today we learn a new word

Thats right people! The word of the day is …… take a deep breath…let it out…relax….. “PORN”. Now don’t get all panicky on me. Calm down, everything will be ok. “PORN” go on you can say it.
PORN.PORN.PORN. See how easy that is? You are probably wondering why I am having you say this word? Am I right? Of course I’m right.(I always am) The reason is simple….IT’S EVERYWHERE! There is no escaping it. No matter what we do its around every corner of the internet. We go to sites that we think are fine to look at and there on the side banners are “GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS!” Telling you that they can make you happy in every possible way, and just live down the road. Now we all know thats not true. Most of the girls probably didn’t even know that the pictures they posed for were going to be used to sell sex. I signed up at a site that I thought was save and what happens??? The next day my inbox is full of you guess it…”PORN”. And it kept on coming! There was no end to it. I was getting up to 20 emails a day! I have since learned not to sign up at every site I go to. I have stopped most of the emails but I still get 1 or 2 a day.
So, the next time you see “PORN” don’t get scared. Its part of life on the net.

memories are funny that way

I was just looking at my pictures folder and came across some pics of my boys. I wonder if they really know how much I love them? There are days were I just want to sit and cry cause I miss them both so much. I realized a couple of weeks ago that this will the 10th Christmas I will be without them. I have missed going to pick out the tree every year with them. Hearing Colby say its this one and then to move to the next and say no it has to be this one. I miss seeing how excited they would get waiting for Santa to arrive. The next morning the looks on their faces to see all the presents under the tree. It always gave me such pure joy, there was nothing better than Christmas morning.
But as life goes on they have grown up. Matthew is 21 and on his own. He is an adult. Colby at 17 is turning into his own man. I wish I could have had them with me all these years but things don’t always go the way you want them to. I am thankful that they have turned out pretty good even if they didn’t live with me. Yes, I missed alot of the special moments. I regret having lost those times. I try to make up for it as best I can. It’s not easy when you know that its your own fault.
I didn’t even want to celebrate Christmas this year. I didn’t want to hear them say I’ll be there and get my hopes up and then they cancel at the last minute like all the past years. I just don’t think my heart can take that kind of pain again. So when my sister said that she wasn’t going to have her kids for Christmas this year I knew the hurt she must of felt. It’s hard to let go.
And live still goes on…..
We are very strong and can take as much as we allow ourselves. The brain remembers so much but the heart feels it all good or bad. My heart has had alot of pain through its life and it always reminds me every day of the things I have done wrong or right and what I have lost and what I have found. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t feel the need to cry. I don’t do it but I want to. And it isn’t only for the loss but the good in my life.
So, now I am crying…