complaining

Where Did This Year Go?

Wow, can you believe its already October? This year went by so fast. I spent most of it in bed sick. January, February and March I was so sick with my IC. The days went by and then months and the next time I looked outside it was spring. I had a couple months where I was feeling better and then August hit me hard again. I think I was in bed for about 3 weeks.

Now September is gone and we have 3 months left of this year. Time passes quickly when you aren’t looking. On the 18th it will be 3 years that I have been blogging. On the 27th I will be turning 42. I thought I just turned 40? lol. I hope that the rest of this year turns out better. How much can happen in 3 months? LOL  let’s hope for nothing.

I know that I haven’t blogged much this year, but I hope to change that soon. It’s hard to blog when there is nothing going on. I don’t want to be depressing and blog about my aches and pains every day. That just brings you down with me. I also don’t want you to feel sorry for me. I actually hate it when people pity me. It’s like people that have been through child abuse, you know the ones, they try to make you feel sorry and pity them for the pain they have been through and they use that pain as a crutch.  An excuse when something goes wrong.  I get angry at people like that.

I feel sorry for the child when it has happened but to carry it with you all your life and use it as an excuse saying “this is why I am like this” I’m sorry but you get no sympathy from me. You need to get over it and move on with your life. I know I sound cruel, but I guess I feel this way cause I have had things in my past that were traumatic to me and I still have to deal with the nightmares, but I don’t use it as an excuse or try to make people feel sorry for me.

I know that I am sick and I know that I will always be sick, so why try to make others feel my pain? It’s mine and I am dealing with it. I don’t use it as an excuse. When I say I can’t do something or can’t go somewhere there is a reason. I really can’t do it, my body won’t let me. So when I say no, don’t ask me why or push for a reason, just take the no and be happy.

Yeah I know, I’m babbling and you probably think I am talking to you, but I’m not. I’m just venting. I feel like I have wasted this year. I plan to do things and me being sick in bed for weeks on end makes those plans go out the window. Maybe next year will be better?

Autumn is Here

Autumn is finally starting. All the trees are starting to drop leaves and the birds are heading south. I’m almost ready to turn on the fireplace again. The evening air gets chilly and darkness comes early. Soon it will be dark by 5pm. Maybe its the change in seasons that makes me a bit melancholy. I just felt a bit out of it this week. I tried to be happy and upbeat, but it didn’t really happen.

I have been trying to figure out what it is that is making me miserable and I have a few ideas as to what it could be. First, we are having some money troubles. This has never really been a worry for me. I trust Gregg to provide us with what we need. Sure it would help if I had a job. I would work if I was able. Money is tight and we are barely staying afloat. I felt such guilt going out for lunch last week with the ladies. It was only 20 bucks, but it could of paid for gas or cat food for the month. I will have to skip the lunches for a while.

It’s also my turn to have the family over for Christmas dinner this year. I decided that I won’t be doing it. We don’t have any extra money for the supplies that we would need. This Christmas will be no giving of gifts. The boys will have to be happy with a regular dinner. Well Colby can open his gifts from last Christmas. Yeah, he still hasn’t been here. I have a feeling he won’t be here again.

Now mom wants to do thanksgiving at her place, which is fine. And if she sticks to the menu that we talked about then it won’t cost any of us much money. Then there is the big family dinner at the church. Another meal we will have to spend money on. I’m seriously thinking of not going.  Then there is my birthday and Glen’s birthday and I think a few other things in between. Everything costs money.

What else? Oh yeah, the scanner died. More money!

Oh well, life goes on.

Can I have a new Bladder?

Crap! Stupid IC!

Ever since my IC flared up 3 weeks ago I can’t seem to get control of it. It went away for a couple days but then it was back and its been off and on. I feel ok when I get out of bed but by mid afternoon it seems to start up. I honestly don’t know what it is that is making me hurt?

I’m careful with my food and drinks. I’m not using any makeup or lotions. The only thing I can think of that I have changed is my body wash. I switched to Dove instead of Ivory cause it was on sale. Maybe that is what the problem is? I’ll put it aside for a few days and see if that helps.

This is so frustrating! I can’t do my yoga or do anything that will cause my back to get sore. As soon as my back hurts, my IC gets bad. All I can do right now is lay around. Even sitting in this chair for too long will make my body scream. I really wish there was a cure for IC. I hate it!

OK…let’s relax…calm down. Stress is the killer. No stress. I’m going to get over this. I’m lucky, my pain can be controlled. I just need to figure out what is causing it. So it’s either the Dove body wash or ? Or what? Food? Hmmm…

I think it’s time to go back on my allergy diet. It made a big difference the last time I did it. I had gone 6 months with no pain. I guess I’ll start it again. Not easy to do, but worth it.

Well, thanks for letting me vent….lol

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Can I Just Say…

Hoverflies (Melangyna viridiceps) mating in mi...

Image via Wikipedia

That I HATE my neighbor’s!!!!! Seriously! AAArrrUUUgggHHH!!!!

I have done nothing! I am cleaning today. Doing the laundry and I plan to vacuum in a while. Dippy yelled from below “Do you have to walk so loud?” What???? Really?!!! I walk as softly as I can. I make sure I don’t walk heavy since we are on the second floor. I know he is under me. Moron!

Anyways, now I get the disgusting pleasure of listening to him have sex with his girlfriend. I can handle sex noises, but not this girl. For love of everything purple! Make her stop! She squeaks and squeals  the whole time. She sounds like a damn squeaky toy for dogs! Imagine this… she says “no” all the time in a high pitched voice and then add the squeaking and squealing yelps in between.

I’m truely going insane!!!

I think I will go run the vacuum now…and do a bit extra in the bedroom.

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Wii Life

Nothing to blog today

fog & cloud

Image by Grant MacDonald via Flickr

I’m a bit blah today. I’ve been sitting here trying to think of something to blog about and I keep coming up blank. So I guess I will babble a bit.

I think I am finally over the flu. Gregg is still coughing a little. We had my cousin Doug’s funeral yesterday. It was a beautiful service. Bagpipes and all. Every sad, but happy he is at peace and no more pain.

Oh, I got a Wii console for my birthday. Plus Wii Fit. I had been wanting one ever since I tried it at my brother’s house. I dropped hints for a month! LOL.. I guess Gregg finally got it for me so I would shut up. So now Gregg has figured out a way to get free games. Its great having a geeky hubby!  We played Wii Music last night and had a few good laughs.

What else? Oh yeah, at 1:30am Dippy came home and I guess he was drunk. He was yelling and punching walls and kicking what ever was in his way. We put up with it for about 20 minutes, but when I heard his girlfriend start saying “no! stop it!” I had enough and called the police. I will NOT put up with that type of shit. I can handle most of the other crap Dippy does, but not that.

Listening to him last night brought the memories rushing back. Its like reliving life with Bob. I hate it! I try so hard to not think about all that shit that happened with him and then Dippy has to bring it all back. I wish Dippy would move.

Anyways, Gregg and I finally got back to sleep after an hour or so. We had to let the police in. After they left it was quiet again and has been since. It wont be the end. Dippy will act up and he will get drunk and rip his place apart again. I wonder how many holes he has punched into the walls down there?

I am off to Wii. Have a new game to try! 🙂

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What a way to Wake Up.

I woke up this morning and headed for the bathroom for that first pee of the day. Baby and Bunny both followed me in, not sure why? Well, I peed and let me tell you it wasn’t good. My IC is back full force today. I now have taken my red pills and a greenie in hopes of slowing it down.

I’m off to go to the ladies lunch now. Hopefully I wont be in too much pain.

Blog ya later!

Blah Days

U... lookin' at me?Image by ucumari via Flickr

I am having a blah day. My body is hurting all over. Maybe its the weather? I’m not sure. I do know that I am hating this summer so far. I need sunshine!!! With out it I will shrivel up and become moldy.  Ok, maybe not, but I do need my sunshine.