My Friend

Been a while since I posted. Please bear with me. This is hard to put into words.

This is to you Oskar,

I am losing my cousin, my friend. You have been in my life from the day you were born. You may be a year younger than me, but it never made a difference. We are best buds. We were suppose to get old together, watch our grand kids play together. Sitting in rocking chairs, drinking beer, laughing at all the fun we had. Do you remember it all? The swimming pool…LOL.How about the Fraser St Theater? All that crazy shit we went through. Both of us having kids so young. We messed up a lot in our lives. It didn’t matter how long we hadn’t talked, it was always like coming home again. A comfortable place to hang  your hat, kick off your shoes, flop on the couch and ask “what’s for dinner?” We never fought. We always got along. We understood each other. We shared our Moms. We had over nighters.Your place, my place. When you moved to Merritt I cried for days. Do you still have the letters? I know I do.

When I think about the stupid questions people will ask, You know the ones. “what was his favourite colour?” I think about that and answer, Jeans! LOL, yeah that is your colour. What was he like? I can never explain to people who you are. You are unique, just like me. What was his favourite music? LOL… KISS!, Heart. Hahaha! I remember you blaring it in your car and I hated it.Never was a KISS fan. Throw on some Bob Seger or AC/DC and I was hooked.

Why do you have to go?Why?? You and I are supposed to grow old!! I am trying to remember all the shit we did, but I am blank. nothing is coming to me. All I keep thinking is how unfair this is. How much I will miss you. You are too young to go!

Selfish, but I can’t let you go.you will always be deep inside my heart. I will never forget you and our time together. You were and always will be my soul mate. We were one in the same.

These last 2 days that I had with you were hard but I am so thankful that you made me promise to not leave you alone. I was with you. You woke up one last time for me. Our eyes met and you nodded, grabbed my hand and held on. I told you I love you and you’re not alone. Thank you for that last moment together.I will never forget it.

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Tests, tests and tests!

Let’s start from the beginning…

The past 2 years or so have been a strain to say the least. It first started when I was getting horrible tummy pains and it took about 10 months and a lot of tests, to figure out that I have IBS ( irritable bowel syndrome). Just as that was all getting figured out, a new problem started.

In January 2013 I noticed that my breasts were leaking. A very odd thing to happen at my age. It was only one tiny drop of white pus. I ignored it. Then it happened again a week later. I thought I should go see my Doctor, but I put it off. Two weeks later, again, yellow pus. I made an appointment.

My Doctor did a breast exam to see if there was anything noticeable. I told him I was having pain under my left arm and left breast. That it felt like I had aches from a possible infection. He agreed and gave me antibiotics. That seemed to help get rid of the pain. He thought that I might be having problems with my Pituitary Gland since it controls the hormones in the entire body. It’s what makes a woman lactate. He made arrangements for me to get a mammogram and a CT scan. I still was having leakage about every 2 weeks.

I had the mammogram and a week later. I also had an ultra sound a month after that. Both of those were good and clear. Awesome! No breast cancer. All my blood tests were normal too. Two days later I had the CT scan. The results are in.

The CT scan showed that I have swelling on my pituitary stalk, not the gland, that part is normal. There is a small bulbous contour of 5.5 mm on my right pituitary lobe. The next step is to have an MRI so the Doctor can figure out what is happening. He also sent me to an eye specialist since this has caused lots of discomfort in my eyes. I have blurry eyes and they are always tired and sore. My eye exams showed that there is no damage being done to the optical nerve.

6 months go by and I have my MRI. Another month and I have the results. The lump is still there. Next step is to see a Neurosurgeon. I am seeing him tomorrow.

So that’s what’s going on in my world. To be continued…..

This Year

Well, it’s 2013. I started the new year sick. Had a very bad cold that took forever to get rid of. I wanted to blog earlier than this but I just kept putting it off. I think I might be depressed. I have no energy, cant seem to get myself to do anything. Most days I just stay in my jammies and do nothing.

But I won’t let it get to me!

Christmas Time Again

Yes it’s time to pull out the boxes of decorations. get the tree out of storage and start hanging the lights outside. I have been waiting patiently for December 1st to hurry up and get here so I can start getting all Christmassy.

I started listening to Christmas music 2 weeks ago, yes I know that’s a bit early, but for some unknown reason I just had to do it. The Christmas bug caught me early.

So now I count the days until I can open the boxes and let out all my snowmen. But first we are cleaning our carpets. So much waiting! I want my tree! Smile with tongue out

Just Life

Been a while since I blogged. I guess I just dont feel like blogging. Kind of hard to blog when I have nothing to say. Whats happened the last few months? Well my son got married in August. It was a very nice wedding. 

I finally had my colonoscopy and endoscopy done in September. All the results came back normal. So that was a relief. Did blood tests and I am normal. The diagnosis, I have IBS, irritable bowel syndrome. Joy. At least now I know what I can do to fix me. Lots of fibre and cut out the bad foods.

We celebrated our 10th anniversary. My wonderful hubby gave me his grandmothers wedding band. Its beautiful. We had it cleaned and appraised along with the engagement ring.

My birthday is coming up in 10 days. I am turning 45. Crazy! I never thought I would ever make it this far. Life is funny. ha.

We had hoped to be in Playa del Carmen for my birthday and Halloween, but it just didn’t work out. I’m a bit sad about it. It’s been 5 years since we were there. With me feeling so sick and Gregg having to work, it just wasn’t in the plans. Maybe in the new year? Or for Christmas? How would that go over with my family? hmmm…..