Yes, I know

Christmas is in the air
Image by The Gordons via Flickr

I am not blogging as much as I should. I have really not been in the mood to blog. Plus, what should I blog about??

Christmas? ok, let’s chat about it. It’s changing. Every year it seems that its different. As a kid it was always the same. We would get ready and go to church on Christmas eve, then drive over to my grandparents house. We would get to see my Dad’s family. After that we would head home. Where we would have something to eat and then open gifts. that changed as we got older and we opened gifts on Christmas day.

Since my sister got married, we have been switching the 25th and the 26th for our family dinner. It worked well so that my sister could see her husbands family too. As we have all gotten married and have kids we have kept this arrangement. Last year I had the family here for the 26th. I moved it to 27th so that my boys could both be here and same with any other family members. This year we are all heading to my brothers place on the 25th. The year after that we go to the next brother in line on the 26th. and so on. We each take a turn having the family over so that Mom doesnt have to do the work anymore.

For the past 20 years we have been doing a family dinner with my Mom’s side of the family. My sister has always been the one to make the phone calls and send the emails and make sure everyone knows when its happening. Last year we almost canceled it, and this year we did. Why? well, seems that family is no big deal some people. My sister sent out an email asking people to let her know who was coming and only a handful responded. I told her its enough, cancel it. It’s sad that the family cant even get together once a year. This dinner was the only day in the year where I got to see relatives I dont see any other time. Unless there is a funeral or a wedding. Maybe the few that still want to do the dinner can still get together at someone’s house every year. As for the big family dinners, they are over. Sad, anyways…

I have been thinking of doing a Christmas party. I haven’t had one in about 14 years. I think it’s about time to do it again. I first thought I would do just cousins, but now I think I’ll invite others too. I also have to figure out a date. Most people already have plans on all the Saturdays in December. So I might have to pick a Friday. Unless I do it in between Christmas and new years eve. Hmmmm…

I’m also trying to decide when I should decorate. I usually wait till December 1st. Gregg likes to wait till The 11th. I guess I’ll wait for now. At least until after this weekend. We are going to the Christmas show at the Tradex Center on Saturday. So I might get some new decorating ideas. I’m also now sure if I want to set up the big tree or the small one this year.

If my back doesnt get better soon, I wont be do any decorating. And what about baking? Do I do a bunch of Christmas baking this year? Am I just doing it for me and Gregg? Sometimes I wonder why I bother. huh oh, this is sounding like the “bah hum bug” attitude coming out. Better stop that right now!

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Goodbye Anny

She was a daughter, a sister,wife and mother, aunt, and a friend. She was funny and stubborn. She thought she was right almost every time. Even when she knew she wasnt. She was a strong woman with a huge heart. Tho that heart had a different beat, it was still as big as the world.

I could say so much more about her, but I think I would just like to tell you what I remember. She was my friend more than just my aunt.  She loved me like a daughter. She never held back telling me what she thought. If I did something wrong she made sure to tell me. She helped me when I needed relationship advice. I guess we both had some bumpy roads to travel.

When I was 11 years old, she gave me my first perm. My blond hair turned orange…lol. It’s funny now, but back then it was the end of the world for me. She did try to fix it. Over the years, we all moved here and there and sometimes it seemed that there were too many miles between us. Then a holiday or a special event would gather us all together again, even if it was only for a day. About 15 years ago everyone started to move closer to each other. My mom, and her sister Susi and Anny all lived in walking distance to one another. Every Tuesday we all knew it was “sister’s day”. The 3 of them would go do some food shopping then have lunch and after head to the Mall and convince my Mom that she looked good in everything and that she needed to buy it all…lol Sometimes my sister and I would join them for lunch and shopping. But mostly, it was their day. It was the 3 sisters.

I remember when she first got sick. She survived breast cancer and had dealt with a heart condition most of her life. Then she was injured by a chiropractor, he damaged her neck and balance center. Then a car accident made things worse and finally colon cancer. I know there were other health problems, but I cant think of them at the moment. She had some hard times.

I will miss her. I will miss her at our ladies luncheons and our shopping Mall trips. I will miss her hooking her arm into mine and saying “come, let’s be dizzy”. We understood how it felt in our heads. Both of us suffering the same type of neck injury. It was something that we shared and no one else could. It bonded us closer. Strange how an injury can do that. I will miss sharing that “knowing” look when one of us was dizzy. I could see it in her eyes and she could see it in mine. She would hug me and not need to say anything, she felt my pain as much as I felt hers.

I will miss her laughing at all the silly things we did. We were always the 2 that acted a bit crazy. She was the rebel in her family and I was the one in mine. When it came to religion, we both knew what we wanted. She understood the day I told my Mom that I was not a Mennonite. Secretly she  said “you go girl”, something I will truly miss hearing her say to me.

Now it will be only the 2 sisters on Tuesdays. There will be an empty spot at our ladies luncheons. My dizzy friend is gone. That beautiful big smile will be missed by so many.

I hope that where ever you are now, you are free of all you pain and suffering. Give my Dad a hug, get in the boat and go fishing.

Fall is Here

Sometimes life is unfair. I havent been blogging much for a couple reasons. First off, I have not been feeling well. My IC has been flaring up every few days. I just cant seem to get control of it. The stress doesnt help. I have also had a bad body itch going on. Looks like it is hives. What causes it? Dont know. On top of that, I have been dizzy the last few days. Ugh! I just cant win here!

So, this is what is making me partly sick. My aunt is in the hospice nearing the end of her battle with colon cancer. I dont know how much long she will hang on. She is a stubborn woman…lol. She wont let go without a fight. I will miss her so much.

Then there is my mom. This is what is so hard to deal with. A few months ago she started having bad headaches. One morning she woke up and her sight was half gone. Over the next couple months it got worse. If I had to guess, I think she has lost about 70% of her sight. She has seen Doctors and had some tests done. They have told her that she has a brain aneurysm and its pushing against her optical nerves. Doctor was surprised that she is still alive. She needs to have another test done to find out if they can do surgery to fix it. If they can do the surgery, she probably wont get her vision back, it could get worse. She could also have a stroke during the surgery. As we all wait for her next appointment, we know she is on borrowed time and that at any given time she can be gone.

So here I sit. Frustrated, angry, sad and tear-less. People are telling me I need to cry. That if I cry I will feel better and be able to handle it. I have tried, but the tears dont come. Maybe I am too angry? Maybe I’m not ready to say goodbye? It’s not fair! Why did this have to happen to mom? and my aunt?

I wish there was someone to blame. Would that help? Probably not.

All I can do is block how I feel and just wake up every morning hoping that mom made it thru the night. I think what really bothers me is that I cant see her when I want. I have no car so that I can just go visit whenever I want. Plus, she is with her sister a lot at the hospice. I know she needs to be there. She is with my sister going to doctors appointments. It just seems that she is never at home. She cant drive anymore. She told me she put away her sewing machine. I guess it’s hard to look at it, knowing how much she loves to sew.

Its interesting how when tragedy hits, we have to give up on certain things in our lives. For me it was my harley. For dad it was the motorhome and now for mom it is her love of sewing. We all have to give up on things as life hits us. I’m sure there are many people who understand this feeling.

There you have it. LIFE. It’s always changing. Today, I wish I could be on a white sandy beach, sipping a fruity drink with my mom in the chair beside me, enjoying her fruity drink. These are the dreams we hope for. If only they could come true.

Not Much Happening

I seem to be blogging once a month these days. I guess I just dont have much to say. Things are the same as always. Well, for me at home at least. We got some bad news recently that Mom is loosing her eye sight. She has chronic glaucoma and it’s bad. She cant drive and has a hard time reading or watching tv. She has to take it easy and not do too much. Which is hard for her. She has always been one to be on the go all the time.

Since Dad died 2 years ago, I dont think she has really had a break. With remodeling her condo and moving, then her sister having cancer. She really hasnt taken time to just sit and catch her breath. Now she has no choice. I totally understand how it feels to have to just stop. When I hurt my neck, it was the same for me. I had to stop, and watch the world move on without me. It’s a terrible feeling to know that your life has suddenly changed.

She will adjust, as we all do. Hopefully the doctors can help her in some way. With time, she will learn how to live with her poor eye sight.

What else has be going on? Well, Gregg is still working, but not sure for how long. Might only be another month and then back to job hunting. He is hoping that the company will hire him on full time. That would be great. To finally have all those years of schooling paying off.

We pout the cats on a Well, Duncan was going in and eating the cat food. So now we feed them twice a day. They seem to be fine with that. They might even loose a few pounds. Baby REALLY needs to loose about 10lbs. He is huge! Bunny has a tiny muffin top…hehe

Well, thats about all I got for today.