For the last 2 weeks I have been laid up. I Had started with the Christmas decorations and half way thru I tripped over Duncan. Twisting and landing on my hip so hard that I pulled a muscle. Oh the pain! It was so bad I had to use a cane to walk. After a week of doing absolutely nothing I was finally able to move around and put the cane away. Just as I am starting to feel better, Gregg decides to gift me with his cold. Back to bed I went. I am still sick, my voice sounds like a mouse going thru puberty. My sinuses are a mess, they cant decide whether to clog or drip. I think I have coughed up my lungs and put them back in about a dozen times. Everybody say it with me “thanks Gregg”.
So, it seems my Christmas spirit is no where to be found as of yet. I thought I had found it in a box of old decorations but then it vanished. I even went to some Christmas fairs and still nothing. I am starting to wonder if I will find it this year. I didnt put up the big tree, instead I went with the pink 3 footer. I like it, but I think Gregg is a bit ify on it. I just didnt feel like going thru the hassle of putting it up. Right there, that should tell you that my Christmas spirit is missing.
I was suppose to go out today with my mom and sisters to a Christmas store called Potters then this evening Gregg;s work Christmas party. Had to cancel both. I was hoping that going to Potters I might have found my Christmas spirit there, but not now. I’m really not sure where to look. I have asked all my snow people and they all give me a blank look and say nothing. Duncan has checked his bed numerous times and tho he keeps going back and digging, he still comes up empty.
Maybe I need to make a trip to the Mall? Could it be there? I have yet to do any shopping. To be honest, I dont even have it in me to buy gifts this year. I dont know what to buy for people. I think gift cards is what everyone will be getting from me. Yes, impersonal, but hey, better than nothing.
I think if it snowed it would feel more Christmasy to me.
I think this cold and all the pain I have been enduring for the last few years is finally taking a toll on me. Or maybe I am just having a pity party for myself.
When I am feeling like this, numb and emotionally drained, afraid to take one more step cause that one might actually be the step that rips the screams out of my mind. If I let go of that control, I dont think I would stop crying for months. Instead, I turn to music. It is my healer.( Even listening to Christmas music, I still cant catch the spirit)
I have depended on music to get me thru my tough times. Tonight I will lean on it again. As I sit here and listen to the beautiful voice on Annie Lennox (yes I like her) I realize that I know why the Christmas spirit has not shown itself to me. I am missing someone very special.