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Merry Christmas

I woke up this morning, fed the cats, made coffee and then told Gregg that Santa had arrived. I got us a coffee with Bailey’s and we sat down in the living room. I turned on the TV to the “shaw log“. Christmas isn’t Christmas until the shaw log is on. We opened our gifts and enjoyed some more special coffee.

As I was sitting and looking at the TV, I was reminded of my Dad. Listening to the roaring fire on the TV made me think of when I was a child and we were living in Vancouver at the time. We had a fireplace in the basement. Dad sitting there on a foot stool, poking at the fire and adding another piece of wood. During the Christmas season we always had a bowl of mixed nuts on the coffee table. Dad would take some and put them along the edge of the fire and roast them. When they were ready he would pull them out and crack them for us. I can see him in my mind like it was yesterday, grabbing the walnuts and tossing them from hand to hand blowing on it to cool it down. Then putting it on the brick hearth and hitting it with a hammer just enough to crack it open. I would then get the nut pick and pull all the tasty pieces out of the shell. Walnuts were always better when roasted.

As I get older my memories are fading, but every now and then some come back so clearly.

I miss you Dad. Happy Birthday. Today I have put my blue butterfly on my tree. You are with me….always.

It’s Been A Year

Today is a year that dad is gone. Gregg and I went to the Cemetery yesterday afternoon. It was cold and wet. It was strange though, the clouds started to clear as soon as we got there. I know it wasn’t God or Dad clearing it up, but I would like to think that it was my Dad making sure that the Sun touched me, just to let me know he was there.

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I had a few tears, but they were happy ones. I did bring him a slice of watermelon. Like I said I would. I even took a bite. I’m sure he would of shared. We stayed for a bit and I thought about how much I missed him. I took the first small rock I saw from top of his grave and put it in my pocket. It will travel with me for this year.

I don’t know if I’ll go back again. I know he isn’t there. I know that he is in Heaven. I just hope that Heaven isn’t butting heads with his stubbornness…lol. He always liked to argue that he was right, I was wrong. True, many times he was right.

Anyways, we decided to head over to Mom’s for the afternoon. My brother’s with their wivies and kids also showed up. We had a nice early dinner and chatted for a bit. Then it was time to head home.

Today, I have thought about him again. It’s hard not to cry. I guess that I will always miss him. You only get one real Dad in your life. I’ve lost mine. For those of you that still have your Fathers, make sure that you take the time to get to know him. You might be surprised at what you find in that man.

I can never say thank you enough times for the chance of getting to know my Dad before he died. Thank you.

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Father’s Day

Happy Father’s Day.

I wasn’t too sure about doing this post. Then I thought about it and decided I needed to do it.

It’s been a year since my Dad died. It went by fast. It feels like it still just happened. I’m finally at a point where I can say his name without crying or having to leave the room. Ok, not true, I want to cry now. I miss him so much. I realize that I can’t spend Father’s Day with him anymore, but I can think of all the times we spent together.

My first thoughts of him today, when I was young, camping in Penticton. Just Dad and me pigging out on watermelon in the late afternoon, spitting seeds everywhere. Those are very happy memories. Summer vacations were always fun. I miss them.

This past year hasn’t been that easy. Not for any of the family. We all have struggled to move on without him. It’s not easy to get together as a family, especially when we gather at Mom’s place. We sit around the big family dinning table and it always feels like he is missing. He always sat at the head of the table. It now seems that my Brother-in-law has taken the chair. He is the oldest. He has the right to be there. Mom is at the other end, but sometimes she still sits at the side. I guess old habits are hard to break.

My brothers have their moments and I can see that they are still hurting. It will take time. My sister troops along with a smile on her face. I know she is hurting too. She was very close to Dad and being the oldest, she knew Dad the best.

Mom puts up a good front, but we all know that she is still crying. I try not to leave her alone on Sundays. It was always the day her and Dad would spent together. They would call some friends over or go visit someone. They made sure that Sunday’s were to be enjoyed. No working of any kind. So, I call her every Sunday. Sometimes more than once. I’ll call after lunch when I know she will be back from church. They I might call her later to let her know if there is something good on TV.

As for me, well, I am doing pretty good. Yes there are days that I just feel sad and want to cry cause I miss Dad so much. I wish I would of  had more time with him. I’m thankful for the time I did have.

This past Christmas was hard, since it’s also his birthday. We got through it. This is our first Father’s Day without him and we will get through this day too.

I’ve decided that I will remember Dad on this day, but I will not spend the day being sad. I still have Gregg’s Dad. Glen is a great guy. We will be spending the rest of all the Father’s days with him. When he is gone, this “holiday” will be over and never thought about again. Just as it will happen with Mother’s day when Mom is gone.

So here is to all the Father’s out there. Enjoy it!

I will be visiting Dad later this afternoon.

“I’ll be dropping off a slice of watermelon for you, Dad”.

Goodnight

Oh, “and Dad…The sun still brings me your love”.

3 Months

Its been 3 months now. I just thought I needed to tell you all that I am doing ok. I miss Dad a lot. The other night I was reading a book and there was a part in there about a wedding and the girl saying good bye to her dad and it brought tears to my eyes. It reminded me of my wedding and how dad had the biggest smile on his face that whole day.

Its strange how the smallest things can trigger my tears. Its still hard to talk at length about dad. I have to stop myself before I cry. It gets easier some days, but then there are the days where I cant stop thinking about him.

I will have to stop this post now, I can feel the tears starting. I just wanted to say I miss him. And I`ll get those pictures to the family soon. I just havent been able to look at them.

Nommy’s At Mom’s

Gregg and I headed over to help mom move the mattresses into the other room this morning. She bought new ones last week and I am so jealous! I want the new ones, heck I would even take the old ones.LOL. So we stayed for lunch. We had Borscht and buns…nommmy! I love it. We sat and talked for a while about what all she plans on doing in the new condo she bought. Its on the same floor but 3 doors down and an extra 400sq ft I think. Now sure about the size. I do know that it will be able to hold the whole family for dinner. So 25 people at least.

Its still a bit weird to go visit and not see dad sitting in his chair. This was only my second time there since dad passed away. Tomorrow will be a month that he is gone. It doesnt feel like a month. I miss him. Yesterday at the family bbq over at my brother’s house, mom brought the last few items of dad’s clothes. Some belts and ties and jackets. We all took what we thought we could use. I grabbed 3 ties for Gregg. I also got a sweater that dad wore often, but the thing I really wanted was his Cologne. I guess I just want to be able to smell it once in a while. So I dont forget the happiness.

Anyways, the rest of the day Gregg and I will be working on some pictures from out Mexico trip. I’m finally getting some enlarged so I can put them up on my walls. Once its done I’ll take some pics.

For Dad

Yesterday was Dad’s funeral. It was sad but beautiful.

I’m going to share with you now what I had to say to my dad at the service.

DAD

There are many memories that I want to share. Its very hard to just pick one. So I wont, instead here are  my flash memories as I sit here and write this.

DAD- When I picture him in mind, I dont see the man he was in his last days. I see a strong man standing tall and proud. A stubborn man, a man full of pride.

Growing up- Dad made sure that the family always had what was needed. He didnt spend money on useless things. He spoiled mom when he could, even if it was something that only cost a dollar or a flower from our garden.

Whistling- He was always whistling. All you had to do to find him was to stop and listen, then follow the sound of his whistling. You would usually end up in the garage or the shed where he would be tinkering around on some unknown project.

I remember dad teaching me how to ride my bicycle, but years later when I came home with my harley, he only had 2 words to say “sell it”. Eventually I did.

Dad and I had some tough years. We fought a lot about things that really dont matter anymore. I made many mistakes, but he was always forgiving.

At the age of 30 I moved back home. I am so thankful that in those 2 years I was able to get to know my dad once again. I learned who the man really was.

When I brought Gregg home, dad welcomed him to the family. I think dad saw something in him even before I did. On our wedding day, dad never stopped smiling. It was the first time in many years that I felt how happy he was for me.

As long as I can remember, dad has always worried about me. Well he doesent have to anymore. I will miss you dad.

At Home

Well we did the viewing this evening. It went pretty well. Quite a few people showed up. I walked into the room and I guess I didnt think the room was so small. Dad was right there. It kind of surprised me. He looked so handsome in his suit. Tomorrow there will be another viewing just before the service. I dont knowif I can do it again.

Anyways, I’m off to bed now. I need some sleep. I’ll blog again when this is all done.

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When Tomorrow Comes

Tomorrow is the funeral. Its not going to be the happiest day, but at the same time not the saddest. We will all shed tears of sorrow and wish for the day to end. I know that it will be a very trying day for mom. She will have her childern by her side all through out the day. We will make sure that she is never alone and if she starts to cry we will be there to help her move on with this day.

I have been listening to the music and watching Gregg work on the video of dad for tomorrow and its so hard not to cry. I find that the meer thought of the word “Dad” brings tears to my eyes. I have written what I want to say at the service. I’m not really sure if I will be able to read it. Most likely Gregg will have to do it for me. I will post it on friday.

I thought about what to do about my hair. Should I get it cut, should I put it up or leave it down. I guess in the end it doesnt really matter. I thought about what color nail polish I should wear. Dad always had something to say when I wore a crazy color…lol…should I wear a crazy color tomorrow? He didnt like the purple that looked like I had grapes on my fingers.

I just feel a bit lost and not really sure which way to turn. I’m having a hard time making up my mind on the smallest tasks.

Goodnight

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Crashing

Its been a long day. I feel so worn out. I  think my body is going to crash hard this evening. I went out and got my teeth finished. They look great. Feel weird but thats ok I`ll get used to them. I`ll post the pics as soon as the dentist emails them over. After that Gregg and I met mom and Waltrude and my 2 aunts and my sister-inlaw for lunch at the food court at 7 oaks Mall. I went shopping with mom and my sister. We all got new outfits for the funeral. Dad would be very impressed with the clothes. I have all my tattoos covered…lol

Anyways, it looks like everything is ready for thursday. Just so people know here is the link for my dad`s obituariy. DAD

Well I`m going to go watch tv and fall asleep.