Tag Archives: day to day

Happy Thoughts

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Well yesterday was Valentine’s Day. Gregg and I didn’t do much. Since money is tight we had a nice dinner at home instead of wasting 100.00 at a restaurant. I made arrachera for our dinner, Gregg grilled it. It turned out pretty good, but it was a bit chewy. I think that I will have to beat the crap out of it the next time. The spices tasted good. We added a salad and a baguette.

Before our dinner I had to go see my dentist yet again. I am having problems with one tooth out of the 4 that I had veneers done on. Its amazing how much you really use your front teeth. Even when you are chewing with your molars you still use your front ones. Anyways, I have to get a root canal done. I’ll be going in on March 16th. I will be doing oral sedation again. Why? Well, I need to have a small filling replaced and I need a cleaning. Since I have such a low tolerance for any kind of pain in my mouth its better for me to be doped up. Plus I have the T.M.J. problems and I can’t keep my mouth open for 3 hours. I really don’t want to bite my dentist.

At least the root canal and cleaning are covered by medical. I will have to pay for the sedation which costs about 325.00. Its not that much when you think about it. I’m getting everything done in one sitting instead of having to come back for more visits. After this is all done I will just have to get my night guard made and then do a cleaning once a year. The night guard might have to wait. Medical won’t cover it and I think the whole cost will be close to 500.00. After all that with the dentist, my IC started up. That little bit of stress, thinking about the money and the dental work and what all I will have to do, actually stressed me enough to put me in pain.

So until then its all about the happy thoughts. Happy that I will be free of this tooth pain soon. Happy that is won’t cost too much. What else? Happy that I am feeling better today. The IC is better , but not gone. I had to take my pills yesterday and this morning too. I’m happy its sunny outside. Even though it’s cold. I’m happy I have a comfy bed to go climb into when I am done with this post.

And now I am done!

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New Book

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"Earth laughs in flowers."
Image by ginnerobot via Flickr

Yesterday I started writing again. I forgot how much I enjoy it. I have always enjoyed putting pen to paper. As a kid I wrote stories all the time. I even kept a diary for a while. Till mom found it and I stopped. When I moved out I started again after Matthew was born. That stopped a year later when I realized I had no time and was tired from chasing a kid around…lol

Well you get the picture…its been stop and go through out the years. All the personal journals that I have written through my life are gone. At the end of every year I take them and shred them. I guess I don’t need to have anyone find them. I’ve had 4 people read my journals and I was not happy to say the least. So lesson learned..shred them!

I have been seriously thinking about writing a book. I’m not too sure if this is a good idea. I mean if I write a book about my life will people want to read it? Will it be a memory trip I want to take? I would be stepping into some very dark waters. I’m not sure.

Maybe I will just write my story in my journal and keep it for my boys to read once I am gone from this world. These are tough decisions to make. It’s a journey I’m just not sure I want to go on. There are memories that really just need to stay hidden in the past. But then again, are there things that I did in my life that others could learn from?

Hmmm…..

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Some Days Are Better Than Others

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Not sure what it was, but a couple nights ago I was laying in bed watching TV and maybe it was something I saw, but I got flashes of memories of Dad. It’s hard to think about him without getting tears in my eyes. It’s happening now as I type. Yesterday I missed Mom. I felt a real need to talk to her. I didn’t call her since she is in California right now. Then today I can’t stop thinking about Colby and Matthew. How they are grown up and adults now and I missed so much of it.

I guess I’m just a bit emotional this week. I’ve been in so much body pain for the last few weeks. I finally am having some relief today. Maybe that’s why I am emotional? Most days I try to cover my pain. I take painkillers and numb it, and with that comes the numbing of the brain. I don’t have to think or remember. I just do what is needed of me. Some times I feel like a zombie. Living in a haze of nothingness.

I’ve been off my painkillers since Tuesday evening.

Now my brain is awake and working again. I don’t like it. I hate to remember any of my past. There so many bad nightmares that I hate to relive. My head hurts from all the thoughts that are in there. I wish there was a switch to turn it off or a door to close and lock, never to be opened again. I know that can’t happen. What is there, is part of me. It’s what makes me who I am.

I will get past the day and tomorrow will be a new day. Maybe the painful memories will lessen soon. Most likely I will be back on my painkillers and I won’t have to think . Not that I want to take them, I have to. And so the day moves on….

Second Round

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Guess what?? I’m sick again! Let’s all jump for joy. I can’t believe I am sick. I was sick with the flu just 6 weeks ago and now I have it again. Oh well, I’ll just blame it on my sister, yeah that’s it, I’ll blame her.hehehe

Anyways, I crawled out of bed this morning to see if you all missed me. No, really! I know I miss all of you. I hate being away from my computer. The internet is kind of my life line to the world. I’m at home all the time since I don’t work and we only have one car. I don’t mind it. I like my home. I have gone as long as a month without ever leaving the condo. I really have no problem staying in my cozy home.

So, we had our yearly Christmas family dinner this past Sunday. It all went well. 39 people showed up. It would of been more but a few just couldn’t make it. It was really nice to see the family. There were some that were new this year and some that I hadn’t see in a long time. The food was yummy as always. I even tried out a new recipe and made the family my guinea pigs…hehehe

Mom and my cousin did well and held their heads up and spread the Christmas spirit through the family. I could see it wasn’t easy on them both without their husbands by their sides. It was still a happy time. We laughed and enjoyed the day. Even though I was sick and doped up on cold pills.

We got home just before 8pm and I climbed into bed for the night. I was done. Yesterday I was in bed all day. So today I am up, but not feeling much better. I think I will be heading to bed soon. If you don’t hear from me in a few days then I am probably still in bed sick. I’ll blog when I am feeling better.

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