One Step at a Time

As you all know, I dont work. And you know the reason why, is cause of my neck injury. Since that happened my life has greatly changed. I have made some very big life changes. I used to be what was called a “biker bitch”. Yes, I was. I had the long bleached blonde hair. I wore the sleazy clothes and even had a Harley to go with the look. I smoked, drank and did drugs. Oh yeah, and I had a very dirty mouth.I got the tattoos to remind me every day of what I used to be. I sometimes regret the tattoos, but they are part of who I am.

Anyways, the reason for this post. I have been having many dreams and nightmares the last few weeks. At first I thought they would just go away. Then I realized why I was having them. Colby’s birthday is on Saturday. When ever I think of Colby a lot, I have nightmares of  his dad(Bob). Bob seems to find his way into my dreams and ruins them. Colby looks so much like Bob that sometimes it hurts to look at him, but I dont love him any less.

I truly love my boys. I have made many decisions based on them. Many of them still hurt and are hard to think about. If I hadn’t of done the things I did, I would not be alive today.

So last week was 11 years that I have been gone from Bob. It doesn’t seem that long. I guess because he invades my sleep a lot. It’s also 10 years that I have been drug free. In the past 11 years I would have to say I have come full circle. I have slowly found myself. I have changed my hair so many times over these years to find the one I feel comfortable with. I finally just found it last month…lol. I thank my niece for that. I have changed my body. Lost all the weight that had followed me most of my adult life. I  had the breast reduction that I had wanted for many years. Now I can go in public and not be ashamed of my size. No need to wear a jacket all the time. I also had the hysterectomy which drastically improved my way of life.

I changed my dirty potty mouth and now “shit” is about the only bad word I use…lol. I also like the word “crap”. My clothes have gone from leathers, black and sleazy to colorful casual patterns. I even own dresses and skirts. As for my look, I am happy with it. I finally like who I see in the mirror.

My stressed, scared and paranoid life is now relaxed, safe and happy. No more looking over my shoulder and wondering who is after me. No more worries about getting hurt. Yes, life has changed.

Now I don’t know if having had this neck injury was a blessing or not, but it definitely made me change. I had no choice. I had to adjust to the new “brain” I was given. I have learned to deal with the constant dizziness. My family has been great over these hard years. Especially mom. But the one I thank the most is Gregg. If he hadn’t of come into my life when he did, I’m not sure where I would be now.

Here I am. In a life that fits me. I have a loving close family. I have a husband that loves me more than all the water in the oceans. I have two grown up boys that love me in spite of leaving them the way I had to. I count myself as very fortunate to have these things and to be able to enjoy them. I am so thankful for every day that I have lived past my 30th birthday. (which I thought would never happen)

Why this post? It sort of went a different route than I had planned…lol I wanted to tell you all about the new business that I am starting. The new step in my life. Finally finding a job that works for me. Oh well, I guess I needed to say all those other things first. Thanks for reading. 🙂

New Page Added

I have added a new page…. TV & Movies. It’s just a list of  TV shows I watch and I’ll be adding Movies and rating them. I’ll also be adding a Books page.

You can check out all my pages above this post. Right under my main banner.

Jesus is a Friend

Fun With Family

I wasnt really planning on going anywhere today. I did talk to mom last night about getting out to buy a gift for Gregg‘s 40th birthday this friday, but we didnt have any set plans. This morning mom called and said let’s go! So my sister Waltrude picked up mom and then stopped here and I jumped in the car and off we went.

We headed to Walmart to see what we could find. I found a great deal on a set of 3 Starfrit fry pans for 20 bucks. Usually 1 pan costs 20 bucks. I also found a pair of sandals that were 39 bucks regular but were priced down to 5 bucks! They fit great and will look good with jeans.

After Walmart we headed for Zellers and met up with my sister inlaw Gizy for lunch. I got my Jane lipstick and even got Waltrude to try out a new color, 2 in fact. Gizy took off back home, probably to jump in her hot tub. After we said goodbye we walked across the parking lot to the Shoe Company. Where all 3 of us found something we had to have. Waltrude found a nice purse, mom found sleek white shoes and I found cute red sandals. Regular price was 39.99 and on sale 29.99 and I used my points and go them for 22.95 including taxes. Not too bad!

This is the first pair of red shoes I have every bought. I like to stick to neutral colors, but I just could not resist these cuties. I did debate with my inner self for a while in the store. My sister and mom looked at me a bit funny. I finally gave in and did it.

After all the shopping we stopping at Costco for gas 1.29 L. is a good price. Then around the corner to the recycle depot to drop off an old monitor. Finally back here to kick me out and mom and Waltrude are still doing a bit more running around.

We did come up with a few ideas. We have decided that since Mom will have room in her new condo, we will be doing a ladies movie evening once a month. No hubbies and no kids. Sounds like fun to me! I will email all the ladies with the details and we can start doing this in September. Also  I was thinking we can do a “make-up” party. Clothing exchange party, and so many more parties. We will figure it all out.

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M.R.I. & I.C.

Jericho Beach, Vancouver, BCImage via Wikipedia

We are home. I just climbed out of the tub. My I.C. started at noon. 🙁 I was stressed out about doing the M.R.I. Normally I dont have a problem doing any of these scans but the minute I was inside the tube I freaked out. I felt like I couldnt breathe. So I was taken out and I relaxed, closed my eyes and went back in. I kept my eyes closed the whole time. I knew that if I opened them I would see how close the walls were and I would want out again. It took about 30 minutes and it was done. I’ll get the results in about a week. So that tiny bit of stress started up all this pain. Stupid, I know.

After that we drove into Vancouver. Went to Kitsilano beach and had a snack. Watched all the day camp kids playing in the water. Reminds me of when I was a kid in the summers and how we used to go to day camps. Not because we had to, we just went along for the fun. Back then we would go to the Sunset community center and hang out and do stuff for free.

After that beach we drove down the road and stopped at Jericho Beach for a few minutes and then drove all the way down to UBC and then back to downtown. We parked under Pacific Center and  we headed for a quick drink at the food court. Then I went to H&M while Gregg went to the Apple Store. I saw many items I wanted to buy, but the line up for the fitting rooms and the cashiers were at least a dozen or more people each. Maybe next time. My I.C. was getting bad by this time. I walked out of the store and told Gregg I needed a drink and to relax for a bit.

We grabbed a cold drink and headed back to the car. I had taken my pills when we arrived at the mall, but they werent helping. We decided I needed to get home. When it hurts this much there is nothing I can really do. I just want any clothes that are touching me to be removed and to have a warm bath.

So now we are home and Gregg is making some bread that I can smell already. Not sure what flavor it is. I think he feels like a Baker man with that bread machine…hehehe Anyways, I’m off to lay down and read a new book I just picked up. Ta-Ta!

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